How to spot a True Bangalorean

Whether you call it Bangalore or Bengaluru, B-town or Luru, the city’s cosmopolitan heart welcomes everyone. But it takes a special kind of person to make the cut as a true Bangalorean. Some of them have been in the city longer than others, while others have embraced the city harder and faster than those who have spent decades here. So, how can you spot a true Bangalorean? Here is our handy guide!

Summer or winter, rain or sunshine (usually all in one day), a true-blue Bangalorean is always gushing about the weather. Tell them that another city has better weather, and they’ll look at you as though you’ve slaughtered their entire family. You never, ever argue with a Bangalorean about the weather. Bonus points if they’re the first in their circles to post a social media video of the usual-yet-unexpected rain in Bangalore with the hashtags #Bangalorerains and #sweaterweather.

True Bangalorean

Be it a biryani restaurant or a type of biryani, a true Bangalorean has at least one favourite. For some, it’s the OGs like Meghana and Nagarjuna. For others, brand names don’t matter as much as the type – donne is a street fave, while some true Bangaloreans swear by Ambur biryani from a military mess. A litmus test to verify a Bangalorean’s authenticity is to check if they’ve ever braved through Bangalore traffic or crossed borders for their favourite biryani. If yes, you have a true one on your hands. Keep them close.

Unless you’re a true Bangalorean yourself, it’s best to avoid conflicts on the topic of idli-dosa joints. A true Bangalorean won’t stop at anything to prove that their idli-dosa darshini or restaurant or stall, is better than yours. They will go as far as to take you to their favourite joint and buy you their usual order, and watch you eat it till they’re convinced that you’re convinced that they’re right. You can use this trick to get them to unknowingly treat you to a free breakfast.

True Bangalorean

For all the passion that a true Bangalorean has towards food, they just cannot channel that into getting physical during a fight that breaks out on the roads. Don’t mistake us – the city’s traffic definitely gets on everyone’s nerves, and you will witness at least one minor accident or a road rage incident daily. Still, a true Bangalorean’s extent of fighting would be to yell out ‘Yennae?’ with a questioning hand or a thumb raised and fist bobbing, but for the most part, it remains verbal. Bonus phrases include ‘wodethini’ (I’ll beat you), ‘th*ka muchkond hogu’ (shut up and go), ‘yaakri?’ (why bro), and ‘ey loafer nan magane’ (we’ll let you translate this). Typically, they’ll just murmur ‘what’s wrong with this bugger’ either to themselves or to their passenger.

Possessing a mental slang dictionary is the hallmark of a true Bangalorean. Nearly every sentence from their mouth features slang. From borrowing a calsi (slang for calculator) in class to telling their friends that ‘’Cher will belt us if we bunk’ (Cher is a Josephite special), every true Bangalorean’s first word was probably slang. Ask a Bangalorean what a scene is, and they’ll tell you what they’ve planned for the weekend.

True Bangalorean

To be a true Bangalorean, you don’t need to love cricket or football. But you definitely need to support RCB or BFC. Failure to do so will mean that you’re fake maal, a wannabe Bangalorean. For brownie points, support both RCB and BFC. You may then get invited to a chill scene with the boys after.

Information is power when it comes to negotiation. So, when an auto driver offers a true Bangalorean the spectacular wonandaff rate, the first thing they do is ask – ‘yaake?’ (why). Whether the auto driver’s answer is acceptable or not, wonandaff never is. A true Bangalorean knows this, so they respond with ‘no chance’ and walk away, till the auto driver relents and agrees to charge them 20 bucks over the meter. Or they let the true Bangalorean walk away with no ride. In certain cases, the true Bangalorean will swallow their pride and agree to fork the dreaded wonandaff. This usually happens when it rains, which is quite often.

True Bangalorean

While microbreweries are the shiny new kids on the block, with everyone having a favourite craft beer (we love a stout!), a true Bangalorean knows that nothing beats the dank smell, the dim lighting, the rock music playlist and the crisp taste of chilled draught beer from one of Bangalore’s OG pubs. Pink Floyd is legendary, they’ll tell you, as they try to headbang to the music but stop due to neck pain (true Bangaloreans aren’t very young). They’ll regale you with tales from their scenes at DTP (Downtown Pub), the 5-rupee anniversary beers at Le Rock, live music at Legends of Rock, the hangover-inducing wine at Noon Wines (or Scottish Pub, whatever you want to call it), or the neer-dosa with pork and a cold one at Pecos. Excuse us, we’re tearing up just writing this.

A true Bangalorean can be a Starbucks visitor, but they are Coffee Day fans and filter coffee lovers! Big chain cafes cannot hold a candle to the darshinis and India Coffee House-type establishments. A true Bangalorean knows that real coffee does not cost 250 bucks; neither is it served in ceramic cups. To them, nothing beats a ten-rupee frothy filter kaapi served in a steel tumbler, so hot that it can melt the skin off their fingers. The perfect decoction-milk-sugar ratio along with the perfect Bangalore weather is all a true Bangalorean needs to have a great day, till someone cuts them in traffic, and then they’re back to yelling ‘yennu’ and ‘yaake’ on the roads.

Nostalgia is the mark of a true Bangalorean. To identify one, all you need to do is spot them sighing when summers get a bit too warm, the city’s streets get flooded, the traffic moves slowly, or another flyover is being constructed. ‘I miss the good old days, bro’, is what a true Bangalorean will whisper. And they’re not wrong. We all miss the good old days – a time when Bangalore was quieter, simpler, cheaper, greener and cleaner. And we’d do almost anything to go back to those days, possibly even admitting that your favourite dosa place is better than ours.

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